Ward retired from the Canadian army in 2017, after seven tours and 37 years of service.
Ward tells his own story. He is open, honest. As with most combat veterans, his tale is heroic and heartbreaking. For those of us who have never served or have not had someone close to us serve, it is sometimes hard to fully understand. As you read about Ward’s experiences, I challege you to place yourself in his shoes, to empathize with a combat veteran’s situation.
I have been deployed seven times. Three were United Nations peacekeeping missions and four were NATO missions. The rules of engagement for the peacekeeping missions in Cyprus and Croatia were very strict and, at times, confusing. As a Section leader on both tours, it was demanding. But also a good learning experience. The first tour, Cyprus, was not overly dangerous as it had been quiet there for some time. Croatia was more active with mortars and small arms fire directed at us. Although these peacekeeping missions were not as outright dangerous, what hit me the hardest was traveling through villages that had been ethnically cleansed. There was still food on tables, but no sign of people anywhere. Fields were covered with slaughtered pets and livestock. The images stick with me. It is something my mind’s eye often pulls into focus, as much as I would like to forget.
My other tours were in Bosnia, Afghanistan (3 times) and, finally, Israel. As an Infantry Warrant Officer in Afghanistan I did some special training to become part of a counter IED team that included an EOD team – that put us up close and personal with really big bombs. Our job was to detect and exploit IEDs in order to gather information about trends, signatures of the bomb makers, and any other information we could find. We ran from dawn to dusk, constantly. The effects of the explosions and the relentless schedule left a mark on me in ways I still cannot fully comprehend.
I believe the first rumblings I had that these experiences were affecting me started subtly in Croatia. Then, after Afghanistan, it took ahold of me. But I was too proud to admit it. I just soldiered on. It was all I knew to do.
One more short tour in Israel to make it through before retirement. It was a different type of deployment: no weapons, no uniforms. Just a go bag. We knew we were being watched everywhere we went, by both the Israelis and HAMAS.
When I returned home I knew there was something seriously wrong with my state of mind. I withdrew from activities and eventually just stopped leaving the sanctuary of my home. I could only handle the company of myself and my dogs. I was wired too tightly to be around others.
I spent two years isolated from the world. It took me that long to realize I needed help.
I was diagnosed with severe PTSD. I began therapy. Recently I attended some group courses and seminars with other veterans. I am beginning to slowly start socializing again and now have a small group of friends. But I still struggle with going outside my circle of comfort. It is still hard to accept some aspects of my experiences and the mark they left on me, but at least I now know how to approach it.
I believe Veterans on the Camino is a step forward in my recovery and I am so thankful for being selected for this opportunity.